


make it with someone i choose

by angelsaves



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series), Watcher Entertainment (YouTube)
Genre: First Time, M/M, Masturbation, Podfic Welcome, sex practice, virginity is a construct
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:48:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22325845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsaves/pseuds/angelsaves
Summary: When Ryan surprises Steven with a kiss, Steven has to take some time to figure out a game plan for what to do next. It's time for a montage — asexymontage.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Steven Lim
Comments: 14
Kudos: 36





	make it with someone i choose

**Author's Note:**

> betaed by erin and mardia!

Steven is absolutely not prepared for Ryan to lean over, post-Smash Bros. victory, and kiss him. He'd have done something different if he had been, he's sure — something, _anything_ other than just gasping against Ryan's mouth and freezing up like a statue.

"Was that okay?" Ryan asks, pulling back to his side of the couch.

"Um," Steven says, "yes. Thank you." He touches his mouth with his fingertips.

"Okay. You're... welcome?" Ryan says. "Would you be interested in doing it again?" He looks nervous, almost quivering with it.

"I need to, uh, consider it." Steven closes his eyes and tries to take stock of his feelings, but there's just a whole bunch of exclamation points, nothing concrete. "Ask me again in... a week, okay?"

"A week." Ryan nods firmly. "I can do that."

"Cool. I'm, uh... gonna go home?" Steven gets up off the couch, and Ryan follows him to the door. "I'll — I'll see you around."

"Yeah, man. See you around." Ryan slaps him on the back, firm and friendly, just like always, then closes the door behind him.

Steven leans against the opposite wall for a moment, blowing out a breath. Then he calls a Lyft, and he starts to plan.

He's done some research on stuff like this before, is the thing. Somebody had linked him to a quiz on some website that was supposed to help him decide if he was ready for sex — not that kissing automatically means sex, but he likes to be a couple of steps ahead whenever he can. The answer at the time was _no._ Now, though — now he thinks it might be moving swiftly towards a _yes_.

It's _Ryan._ Ryan, who — Steven can admit it to himself, anyway — means a whole, _whole_ lot to him. Ryan, who Steven has been spending huge chunks of time with and hasn't gotten sick of yet, and vice versa, apparently. Ryan, whose floppy hair and scruffy beard make him _feel_ things. 

Would this mess things up, though? Just about the worst thing Steven can think of is the idea that his inexperience, his unsureness, will hurt Ryan somehow. He doesn't want to jump into anything before he's sure. So, he's got to work this out systematically. That's something he's pretty comfortable with, getting his thoughts out in black and white where he can look at them and smooth them out. He opens up a note on his phone just as the Lyft pulls up to the curb.

He's _got_ this.

* * *

The first step, Steven decides, is to get comfortable with his own body. He's living alone now, so when he wakes up the next morning, he decides to take off the T-shirt and shorts he slept in and just... hang around naked.

There's a brief false start when he realizes he's forgotten to close the curtains — he doesn't want anybody _else_ getting comfortable with his body just yet, thanks — but then it's actually pretty nice. He lays down a towel to sit at the kitchen table for breakfast, some fancy granola Andrew bought him and a nice yogurt, which is delicious, and then he wanders over to the couch to watch some Netflix.

After a while, though, Steven stops feeling like he's getting away with something by being naked in the middle of the day, and starts feeling a little more like he's taking the easy way out by just doing what he'd usually be doing. He sighs and gets up off the couch, heading for his bedroom. Part of him feels like he needs to sneak up on the full-length mirror, but the rest of him realizes that would be kind of weird, so he strides into the room with confidence he doesn't feel. 

That's... that's him, all right. His body is fine, he guesses; he's pretty tall, his face is decent, he's liking the strawberry-pink hair...

...and there's his dick. It's not a part of him he spends a lot of time thinking about, honestly — he pees with it, he washes it, and sometimes he even jerks off, but he rarely just looks at it. Here it is, though. It's a decent size, hanging there between his thighs.

Steven looks at it, and he wonders some things. What would Ryan think of his dick? Would Ryan's dick look similar, or really different? 

Just like that, he starts to get hard — just because he's... thinking. Steven watches his dick for a minute, and all of a sudden, it stops seeming weird. He steps right up to the mirror, close enough to fog it up with his breath. From here, he can see the way the head of his dick is starting to peek out of the foreskin. It's a little shiny, even, which is not something he's noticed before.

Steven glances up, and — whoa. His eyes look big and dark, and he looks... not like he usually does. He's all flushed, and he must have been biting his lips, because they're wet and red. He looks like somebody who might — who might _fuck._

He kind of digs it.

* * *

The next step is actually touching himself. It's not like he's never done it — Steven's a modern, forward-thinking kind of guy, he believes that his body is a gift from God, he knows there are physical benefits to regular ejaculation — but he's never really spent time on it, so to speak. It's just been sort of a mechanical thing, getting it done without dwelling on it.

Now, he realizes that he wants to dwell. How's he supposed to know what he wants out of sex with Ryan if he doesn't know what he likes on his own? No, it's something he's got to get started on figuring out. 

Steven reaches for the lube on the bedside table, which he'd ordered rush-delivery from a local sex-positive store as part of his plan. It's cold and slick when he drips some out, so he rubs it between his fingers for a little while, until it warms up enough that he doesn't think it'll make his dick shrivel.

_Oh, boy, that's a nice change,_ he thinks, thumbing over the head, getting everything wet. His hand glides over his dick, almost frictionless, and he can't help making noise at how good it feels.

One of the webcomics he'd looked at had some suggestions for things to try, different ways to touch himself, and Steven means to try them, he does — he had it all planned out — but he's lost in the pure sensation of his dick in his fist, the way his foreskin slides up and down with every stroke. He wants it to last forever, but just as he's really getting into a rhythm, he feels his balls tighten, and then he comes so hard, it takes him a minute to catch his breath.

"Not bad," he mutters, and laughs almost hysterically, wiping the come off himself with a T-shirt that needs washing. He'll take a shower and see if he feels like another try later.

(He does. It's awesome.)

* * *

Steven hasn't done much exploration of his butt. He knows that it isn't mandatory to do butt stuff, just because you're doing sexy things with another guy — nothing is mandatory, as the internet keeps reminding him — but he's also been adjacent to Ryan Bergara for long enough to suspect that butt stuff might be, well... a point of interest.

He pours a generous amount of lube into his hand, slicks up his index finger, and gently gets to know the territory, holding his dick in his other hand and occasionally giving it another stroke or two.

It's not... great? It's not terrible, either, but he's not super impressed. Still, he wants to give it a good college try, because even if Steven doesn't love the feeling in his own personal butt, what if Ryan wants Steven to do it to _him?_

That flips a switch in his head, and now Steven's picturing Ryan spread out in front of him, thighs held open so he can see everything. His dick twitches, like _Yeah, that, I want that, please._ He focuses a little more on how the sensation feels to his fingertips, imagining what it would be like to touch Ryan so — so _intimately_.

"Fuck," he says softly. He likes it, he wants it. He thinks about how Ryan's lips would pull back from his teeth, how his eyes would close, from what Steven was doing to him, and he tingles all over.

* * *

In the end, it's simple. It's Ryan; building a relationship with him feels natural and necessary and thrilling all at the same time. Steven's done waiting. He's found what he didn't even know he was looking for, and he's going to go and get it while the getting's good.

* * *

Steven knocks on Ryan's door, resisting the urge to shift his weight from foot to foot, and waits. It's not too long before Ryan answers, looking startled.

"Steven?" Ryan says, rubbing at the side of his jaw. "Hey, uh — you said a week, right? I was going to give you another day, maybe two."

"Yeah, I did." Steven takes a deep breath. "I couldn't wait any longer, though."

"Oh, yeah?" There's a hopeful glint in Ryan's eyes. "Why don't you come on in?"

"Don't mind if I do!" He follows Ryan to the couch, where they kissed the first time, and sits in his usual spot. "Uh. Are your roommates home?"

"Nope," Ryan says. "Just me."

"Good." Steven looks at Ryan for a moment, the way he's all coiled-up energy, like a spring, ready for action. "I really want to kiss you again," he says.

Ryan lights up, all toothy smile and crinkly eyes. "Awesome! We can do that!"

"I want to do other stuff, too," Steven goes on, and he relishes the look of delighted surprise on Ryan's face. "I did research —"

"Of course you did," Ryan says fondly.

"— and I practiced some stuff, too."

"Oh _ho_." Ryan's eyebrows leap up towards his hairline. "Are you going to tell me about your... practical findings?"

"You're more of a hands-on learner, aren't you?" At Ryan's nod, Steven leans in and kisses him. He does it slowly, one hand resting on Ryan's shoulder, taking his time; Ryan makes a bitten-off sound against Steven's mouth and reaches up to cup his face, pulling him closer.

"Oh my god," Ryan says, breaking the kiss and leaning back against the cushions. "Uh, sorry, is that inappropriate?"

"Nah," Steven says, beaming at him. "Physical pleasure is a gift from God."

Ryan smiles back. "I like that," he says. "Cool. So, you learned about kissing, huh?"

"Guess so! Want to see what else I learned?" 

"I'd love to, if you're, you know, comfortable with that." Ryan runs a hand through his hair, messing it up. "I don't mind if we just kiss, I love kissing! But I do love other stuff, too."

"Awesome." Steven takes Ryan's hand in both of his, and says, just like he's been planning, "I really like you, and I trust you, and I want to do stuff that feels good with you."

"That sounds good to me, buddy," Ryan says. His gaze drifts down to Steven's mouth, then back up to meet his eyes. "Really good."

Steven kisses him again, this time letting his fingers trail down from Ryan's shoulder to the hard expanse of his pecs, grazing over his nipple. Ryan's breath catches, so Steven does it again, a little more firmly.

"God, where — no, you know what? Keep your secrets," Ryan says, breathing hard, chest rising and falling under Steven's hand. "I'll just reap the fruits of your research."

"Okay." Steven kisses Ryan's throat, pulling the collar of his shirt out of the way so he can get at that spot he's been staring at, right where his neck meets his shoulder.

"You're — oh, wow — you're not like I thought you'd be," Ryan says above him, breath stirring Steven's hair.

"Oh, yeah?" Steven tries biting him there, a little nibble, just to see what happens.

Ryan gasps, rippling up against Steven's mouth. "Actually, you know what? Never mind. I put it together. You're just treating sex stuff like it's — oh, God, do that again — fuckin' — Smash Bros, or basketball, or some shit. Makes perfect sense."

"Mmm." He bites Ryan's shoulder harder this time, then admires the red marks his teeth left. "Is it different?"

Ryan huffs out a laugh. "I guess it's not, really. C'mere, kiss me again."

Steven obliges, making it deep and slow, running his tongue along Ryan's and stroking Ryan's chest, enjoying the way Ryan's muscles feel under his fingers. "Can I do more than that?"

"Hey, I'm an easy-going kind of guy," Ryan says, which is hilariously untrue in almost every situation. It seems like he really wants it to be true now, though; Steven can feel his abs fluttering with the effort it takes to stay still and just take what Steven wants to give him. He doesn't laugh.

"Yeah?" he says instead. He traces the waistband of Ryan's shorts, smooth tan skin bisected by a nice treasure trail. He's never really stopped to think about why it's called that before, but now he really wants to follow it to the prize. "X marks the spot," he says under his breath.

Ryan laughs again, and runs his fingers through Steven's hair. It feels good, and Steven leans into the touch. "You want to follow the trail?" Ryan asks. "You can, but you don't —"

"— have to?" Steven finishes. "Yeah, I know that. I'm not gonna, like — do something just because other people might think I should."

"That's a good point, actually," Ryan says. "Okay, I'll stop trying to talk you out of touching my dick."

"Good." That gives Steven the burst of confidence he needs to hook his fingers in Ryan's shorts and yank them down to his knees, letting Ryan's dick slip free, hard and flushed dark, a little shiny at the tip, exposed by the fact that he's cut. "Oh," Steven says. "Hi."

Ryan takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "So, what, uh — what are you thinking?" he asks.

"It's nice." Steven ducks down and drops a kiss on Ryan's cockhead; it feels smooth and a little yielding under his lips, and he darts his tongue out for a taste. "Yeah, it's nice."

"I'm glad you think so, buddy." Ryan squirms a little, just side to side, not shoving his dick into Steven's face, which Steven feels is very polite of him.

"I have plans," Steven says, looking up at Ryan through his lashes. "I brought lube."

"You did, huh? What do those plans, uh, entail?"

Not breaking eye contact, Steven digs in his pocket and finds the little bottle. "It makes jerking off feel extra awesome," he says, "plus I've thought about, you know — fingering you."

"Oh yeah?" Ryan reaches down, wrapping one hand around the base of his dick.

"Kind of a lot, actually." He glances away to get the lube open, and when he looks back, Ryan looks like he's been whacked over the head, but in a sexy way. "Is that something you'd be interested in?" Steven asks, just to pull his pigtails.

"Uh, yeah," Ryan says. He's squeezing his dick a little. "Very interested. Fascinated. _Intrigued_ , even."

Steven grins at him. "Oh, good," he says. "I think this is going to be fun."

(He's right.)

**Author's Note:**

> title from "rock you like a hurricane" by the scorpions, which is, incidentally, part of the [playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLObBHY0R6j2qKMk2y4BuUpFm_NwioHMc4) i made for this fic. 
> 
> a few relevant links:  
> [sex readiness checklist](https://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships/ready_or_not_the_scarleteen_sex_readiness_checklist) from [scarleteen](https://www.scarleteen.com)
> 
> [masturbation with a penis](https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/masturbation-penis/) from [oh joy sex toy](https://www.ohjoysextoy.com)
> 
> [manual sex](https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/manual-sex/) from [oh joy sex toy](https://www.ohjoysextoy.com)


End file.
